Escape the Gay Straitjacket Problem Page

Escape the Gay Straitjacket

Problem Page

Escape the Gay Straitjacket comes with free, after-sales support.

After it was published Donald Black realised that a particular set of circumstances that was not mentioned in the book would prevent some gay men from curing their neurosis by reading the book in its present form alone. If this is the case with you please click on the link below to write to Donald and get his further help to overcome this omission and cure your neurosis.

Donald will be happy to help you with that or any other problem that you may need guidance or support with. Simply click on

ASK DONALD BLACK

You can also, of course, write to him at Donald Black, c/o Power Books, 54 Balham Park Road, London SW12 8DU, United Kingdom.

Donald,
I will be honest in saying I have not ordered or read your book (Wrestling for Gay Guys). I have however seen it advertised on line before. (It usually came up because I searched for topics on wrestling). I've always been intrigued by it . . . the contact, the struggle etc. But like one of your readers, I lack aggression in wrestling. I like the contact and the idea . . . but I tend to "back off". For that reason, I've never been drawn to submission wrestling, or competitive wrestling -- I just felt I did not have the "aggressive personality" for it. And I hate that. And unfortunately - the no-sex issue was another familiarity I related with when reading a comment from another person that wrote to you.

I've always disliked myself for being passive, and timid. In confrontations, I tend to "back down" and not stick up for myself. I have usually frightened away from "more aggressive natured" guys -- which by all means make me feel like less than a man. I have always felt like a "coward" because I don't stand up for myself. I fear physical confrontation.

I attended a self defense course recently - and on my first "guest visit" which allowed me to participate - I got paired with a higher level student. The drill involved blocking, kicking and punching. The guy was very aggressive in all his manoeuvres - and as usual, I found myself very threatened and backing away - even telling him to stop . . . he didn't. He continued to swing at me with me cowarding back until the instructor told him to stop. I left feeling "beaten up" and upset that I didn't have the kick-ass aggression he did to charge back at him. (Instead, I was scared of getting hurt).

Being in my late 30s, I'm concerned if aggression can be "taught" or "learned" or if it's just too late. I am considering the course because I want to feel confident, and strong, but mostly so I won't take any crap from anyone. I want the physical and aggressive drive the other guy had.

In your opinion, can that be "learned" . . . . or in all your studies, did you learn that some people are just in nature "less confrontational" than others?

I know you're very busy - I'd really appreciate if you could take the time to address this matter. It would be of great help and appreciation.

Thank You.
-- P --

Dear --P--,
Thanks for writing to me, and I think you will thank yourself for writing to me. I am glad you were honest with me as it would have been quite clear to me from what you say that you have not read my books. I discovered, many years ago, that, like you, I lacked "aggression". As I was into wrestling this was a problem. Fortunately, I went into group psychotherapy ten years later where, during the five years it took, I had the neurosis cured that caused my lack of aggression. Thirty years later I wrote Wrestling for Gay Guys and while researching that book I realised that aggression is an offshoot of anger and the neurosis I had suffered from had actually caused me to repress my anger and that was why I had also been unable to be aggressive. I realised, at the same time, that 90% of gay men suffer from the same neurosis, that they repress their anger (which is why they are "gay" meaning jolly), that they are also unable to be aggressive (and that is why they become "pansies").

If proof were needed that I was right it is well known that repressing anger causes a whole lot of other problems as a consequence and these classic symptoms of repressing anger, not surprisingly, are to be found everywhere on the gay scene, such as impotency (which is why so many gay men need to resort to "poppers" and bondage), the inability to find Mr Right, feelings of inferiority, feeling oppressed by society, feeling humiliated, depression, being bullied, being exploited, being manipulated, sadism, masochism, "bitching", bad relationships, brief romantic affairs, being late for appointments, an inability to stand up for oneself, and a fear of other (straight) men. To help other gay men cure all these problems I wrote Escape the Gay Straitjacket .

Courses to "learn aggression" will not succeed until the basic neurosis that causes the problem is cured and both my books will tell you how to cure the basic neurosis. If you want to get rid of all the problems you mention in your letter and the qualities you don't like about yourself you should rush out and buy both my books and start a new life by reading them straight away!

Let me know how you get on!

Yours sincerely,
Donald Black

Thanks Donald,
I related to a lot of the "negative" aspects you mentioned caused by the neurosis. I will order the books. Hopefully they will help me make some sense of all this "crap".

You were right -- I do have a LOT of resentment and anger that I have always held inside - anger towards my church, my family, society and myself. I find myself blaming all of them -- for my unhappiness.

I don't see how any young person can grow up healthy - when they are told what they're feeling is sick.

I don't see how they can grow up to be strong, when the only role models they see are weak.

I don't see how they can feel to be a part of society, when they see others like them being shunned.

And I don't see how they can ever develop a christian relationship, if they're told God wants nothing to do with them.

I don't see how they can grow up loving themselves, when they're only taught to hate themselves.

Is there any question there is so much anger??

Anyway -- thank you for your time in writing back -- I appreciate it.

PAUL

Dear Paul,
Thanks for replying to my letter.

Yes, I know how you feel. Most gay men have problems growing up but when you add religion to the mixture it makes it much, much worse. On pages 24-25 of Escape the Gay Straitjacket I relate the very sad case of Bobby Griffith who sounds like he was very much in the same situation as you are. And one doesn't know how many more guys there are like him.

Anger can be a powerful force for good and once you have learned how to overcome the neurosis that prevents you from using your anger and are able to use your anger as a force for good you will become more able to stand up for yourself and to prevent yourself being manipulated, and that in itself will enable you to become proud of yourself at last. And that will turn your whole life around. Being pushed around by others makes one ashamed of oneself but being able to take control of your life will make you satisfied with and proud of your own strength.

If you have a credit card you can buy the books direct from the Power Books websites and they will be sent to you airmail under plain cover. Wrestling for Gay Guys (which you have of course already visited) is http://www.pb.clara.net/wfgg.htm and Escape the Gay Straitjacket is www.gaystraitjacket.com Escape the Gay Straitjacket won't be in the US until December and then in only selected bookstores. A list of stockists has been added as for the WFGG website.

Do let me know how you get on. And don't hesitate to write to me again if I can be of further help.

Yours sincerely,
Donald