WHAT CAUSES
LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
Low self-esteem is a state where you feel you are not good enough, either by your own standards or by other people's standards. It is feeling that you ought to be better.
Clearly, there are thousands of ways that this can be caused.
If you are not invited to someone's party you might feel this is because you are not good enough or that the host thinks you are not good enough.
If you apply for a job and don't get it you may feel it was because you were not good enough. (The truth of the matter may be that 300 people applied who were all as good as each other, but as there was only one vacancy only one person could be accepted for the job.)
For gay men there is a further element which has catastrophic consequences for them.
INCREASE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Biologically, men are enemies. That is to say, they compete with each other to find a mate and this is true on the gay scene as it is on the straight scene.
Now, you may recall that 90% of gay men repress their anger (see SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS) and so are not able to compete with other men. If you repress your anger, you also repress your aggression.
What arises immediately is that there is a sensitivity to inferiority and superiority in relation to other men.
Not being able to compete with other men who are clearly able to compete very well with you, will leave you feeling inferior.
Feeling afraid of what other men can do to you and what you are unable to do in return (by way of defending yourself or retaliating) can also leave you feeling inferior.
Feeling inferior can lower your self-esteem.
Not being able to compete with other men means that anyone who is taller, more handsome, younger or has bigger muscles or looks tougher than you has an added advantage over you. Because you are unable to compete with these other men the qualities they have (more handsome, taller, etc.) will take on a magnified importance and will leave you feeling inferior by comparison.
If you were able to compete with them and WIN, the qualities they have would seem less important . . . because you can compensate by beating them in other ways. You can show them that you are superior in other ways.
Anyone who plays a game (rugby, football, soccer) that you do not play is going to make you feel inferior.
Saying that you are not interested in playing those games is a hollow excuse because deep down you know you are frightened of playing them because you are unable to use your anger and aggression to compete physically with other men.
Straight men are also able to make babies and have families, whereas you are not able to. This is another way that straight men can make you feel inferior by comparison.
What can you do about curing your low self-esteem?
The answer, first of all, is to cure the neurosis (see WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?) that makes you frightened of "violence" then you will be able to express your anger. You will then find that competing with other men is not at all frightening, in fact, you may now see it as enjoyable because you are able to retaliate . . . which you were too frightened to do before. And you can make yourself feel superior by winning. And so raise your own self-esteem.
How do you cure this neurosis? You read Donald Black's book Escape the Gay Straitjacket and learn how to change your life for the better. Or you can do it the hard way and go into psychotherapy for five years or more at great expense. Or, worse, you can do nothing. Just keep on suffering all the problems you and other gay men have, if you think that is better.
Why don't you join the millions of men who can express their anger and get loads of fun out of life by doing just that!?
You can improve yourself in other ways. You can make your muscles bigger by training in a gym, you can learn to stand up for yourself by learning to wrestle or to play judo or even sports like full-contact karate, or MMA fighting as it is now called, may no longer seem as frightening as they once did. Then, when you see someone who is younger or more handsome than you, you can say "He may be younger or more handsome than me, but I have BIGGER muscles!" Or ". . . I could throw him/knock him to the floor if I wanted to!"
BUY
Escape the Gay Straitjacket
NOW!
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ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
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