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WHAT CAUSES SADISM
AND MASOCHISM?
Sadism and masochism are so common on the gay scene that they are completely accepted as a sub-culture. Most gay men who are into S&M never pause for a moment to wonder why it is that pain is such an aphrodisiac for them. It is sex but it is not love.
Love has to do with wanting to care for someone while S&M is just the opposite - wanting to harm the other person or oneself.
One needs to love oneself before you can love someone else. And therein lies the cause of S&M, because sadists and masochists are all people who hate themselves and, consequently, are not able to love others.
Some gay men may be sadistic without realising it, if they only enjoy anal penetration when the guy they are penetrating is suffering or in pain as a consequence of their action.
What is it that makes someone sadistic or masochistic? Psychiatrists say that when someone has low self-esteem and is humiliated, that results in self-hate coupled with sadism and/or masochism. That can be more easily seen expressed as an equation:
low self-esteem + humiliation = self-hate + sadism and/or masochism
People who have low self-esteem are unable to love themselves. If someone humiliates them the low self-esteem can turn to self-hate that is couched in revenge.
FALL VICTIM
The important factor here is why does the person have low self-esteem in the first place? (See THE CAUSE OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM)
And what is it that allows him to be humiliated?
Eleanor Roosevelt once said that people cannot humiliate you unless you allow them to humiliate you.
When someone says something insulting to you, you can (usually tacitly) agree with them and feel humiliated, or you can make a quick, devastating retort to return the insult. That makes the insult bounce back to the instigator and protects your own self-esteem. To do that you need to be able to call on your anger to protect you and to enable you to make the retort. People who repress their anger as 90% of gay men do (see SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS) are unable to make such a defensive, critical retort and so they fall victim to the initial jibe, agree with it (tacitly), and end up feeling humiliated.
That lowers their self-esteem.
Not being able to love others, one becomes revengeful instead that your low self-esteem or self-hate prevents you from being loved, since you feel not worthy of other people's love.
Sadists want to revenge themselves on the people they see as responsible for their low self-esteem or people who, by their self-confidence, make the person feel their own low self-esteem more acutely.
Masochists need to take the revenge out on themselves for not being the people they want to be, or believe they should be, but are unable to be.
Interestingly, there are more masochists than sadists.
Some psychiatrists believe that there is no such thing as masochism, only sadism towards others or sadism towards oneself.
Donald Black in his book Escape the Gay Straitjacket explains that not being able to use their anger is exactly what can primarily cause low self-esteem in gay men.
And, not being able to use their anger is exactly what allows them to be humiliated, too.
Repressing anger causes more problems than it solves.
MASTERFUL AND INTIMIDATING
The reason for this is that it is difficult to choose between what you repress and what you allow yourself to express. If you repress one emotion it often results in people repressing all their emotions, or most of them.
This is why their tender sexual feelings become repressed too and they have difficulty in reaching a sexual climax. People who have this problem will say that “poppers” only enhances the sexual experience but many, even with the “poppers” will only reach a sexual climax with difficulty.
Repressing anger causes more problems than it solves.
In his book Donald points out how gay men can increase their self-esteem and prevent themselves from becoming humiliated. To do that they need to express their anger.
Expressing anger enables one to stand up for oneself. Being able to see off people who want to put you down or manipulate you engenders pride in one’s self. That raises one’s self-esteem.
The sight of someone in a leather harness or motorbike leathers with leather belts, buckles, peak cap and gloves may seem masterful and intimidating but, actually, one is seeing a person with self-hate that is crippling their lives, leaving them helpless and unloved. Donald describes this as like being in a straitjacket.
What they deserve is our pity.
EASY TO DO
If all these problems that gay men have can be cured simply by them expressing their anger, why do gay men repress their anger?
Donald explains in Escape the Gay Straitjacket that 90% of gay men suffer from a neurosis acquired early in life that makes them repress their anger (see WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?).
What they need to do is to cure the neurosis that forces them to repress their anger in the first place.
Donald also explains in his book how that can be achieved. He found it very easy to do. Why don't you follow in his footsteps, curl up in a cosy armchair with his book Escape the Gay Straitjacket and cure your neurosis as well as all your consequent problems?
Sounds simple.
BUY
Escape the Gay Straitjacket
NOW!
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ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
ESCAPE THE GAY
STRAITJACKET
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
THE PAINFUL TRUTH
BACKGROUND
WHAT READERS SAY
DELVING DEEPER
SOLVING GAY PROBLEMS
CAUSE OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM
CAUSE OF S&M
INFLUENCE OF PARENTS
WHAT IS A NEUROSIS?
CURING THE
GAY NEUROSIS
STOCKISTS
MAIL ORDER
PROBLEM PAGE
REVIEWS
WRESTLING FOR
GAY GUYS
LINKS
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